As you know, my dear
people, for the last year the Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by
questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions
about the tragic events in Benghazi--in the furthest regions of our
empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.
Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and
needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts and beside you in your
Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of
our land, sharing your poverty and needs.
How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas
Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and
needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts and beside you in your
Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of
our land, sharing your poverty and needs.
How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas
and I were
impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly
had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed
thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington
Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later
forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors
from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.
During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the 'Foundation'.
So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the royal election
(Coronation) comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama's policies, and we can all live happily ever after.
Your Queen-in-Waiting,
During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the 'Foundation'.
So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the royal election
(Coronation) comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama's policies, and we can all live happily ever after.
Your Queen-in-Waiting,
Hilarity Rodham Clinton
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