HELP

I am getting confused on my identity.  When I play golf, sometimes I think I am Tiger Woods and believe I may be black and should join the NAACP.  Then when I watch an old movie where the U.S. Calvary is killing Indians, I sometimes feel I may be of Indian ancestry and start jumping up and down and reaching for my hatchet and guns and think I should join the ICFFR.  (Indian Call for Freedom and Financial Retribution).  Then I have a vision of Sen. Elizabeth Warren (Betty to her friends) and her high cheek bones and being 39^th removed from Indian ancestry and almost vomit. When I listen to either Marco Rubio or Ted Cruz, I feel like joining the HCM (Hispanic Caucus of Men).  Lately when I pass a Chinese restaurant I keep on chanting Moo Goo Guy Pan, I need a helping hand.  Then I want to join the CMORRW (Chinese Men of Railroad Workers) who helped build our rail transportation system.  This PC is causing me to reflect on my heritage and all the damage that white people have caused in this world.  I forget all good white people have done but realize that the liberal socialist in our country don’t want to know that.  What is becoming really frightening is if I do not shave for a few days, I look in the mirror and think I am Muslim and then look on the wall and see a crucifix and then say, I may be losing it, but I am not going that far to join Satan’s religion.  So, whenever I must complete a form in the a doctor’s office each year since Obamacare wants updates on patients annually (Just in case others are suffering like me) I might just check all slots on the form on race and write in Trans Racial.